Tuesday, February 17, Batman officially announced his running for USUSA President. After this announcement, Princess Leia Organa and Hannibal Lecter announced there candidacy as well.
“Gotham doesn’t need me anymore,” said Batman. “I’ve completely changed what Gotham is and the safety there. When I looked at Utah State and Logan, I saw little free parking, an end to Pizza Pie Cafe karaoke night, stairs that are closed even though there’s no snow on them, and worst of all, no Dairy Queen. These are obviously the acts of some villain that needs to be taken down and their misdeeds corrected.”
Batman’s campaign slogan is “I may not be the candidate they deserve, but I am the candidate they need.”
“It is a little hard for me explain why I’m doing this or even what I’m doing here on this planet,” said Organa. “I have Han to thank for being stranded here. I come from a galaxy far, far away and technically from a long time ago, which is changed thanks to traveling at the speed of light. Unfortunately, I don’t receive much credibility when mentioning this on your planet. Even though I’m a princess, it is of a destroyed planet, which also doesn’t offer much credibility. I figure that I have to start somewhere, so why not become a President of a place of learning.”
Organa was under the impression that the position was for Queen and not president. When informed it was not for the position of queen she refused to answer any questions.
“Most would wonder why I would be doing this,” said Lecter. “I will say it does have a bit to do with my fascination of human nature. College students are a phenomena in and of themselves. I wish to understand them further.”
On the issue of his criminal record Lecter said, “I feel more misunderstood in comparison to being called a heinous thing like a criminal. What I do is more of preference rather than a condition. If I’m elected I will control my cannibalistic tendencies.”
All three were quickly disqualified from running for not being students of the university.
