“This has been really great, but I think it’s time to end. Think we can still be friends?” That crucial question. It demands an answer, yet it sounds like some kind of covenant. By saying yes it could just mean torture for you, but by saying no you look like an awful person. Which way to go? The answer slips out as yes while you cringe inside. A hug and the parting of ways begins. Minor freak out starts, but by the end, the freak out will be a thing of the past. Being friends can be torture, we have all been there, but obviously you were in a relationship with this person because you had some kind of connection emotionally to them. Even if you were friends first or not, the chance for a friendship is not that difficult. There first little while may be hard, but that’s a part of the healing process.
Breakups happen, normally, for two reasons. Reason one, feelings of both parties involved are lost and it ends mutually. Reason two, and more commonly, one member of the party looses romantic feelings for the other while the later still has feelings for the first. You may be thinking option two makes it impossible for the two to be friends because it’ll be too hard for the heartbroken member. While it is harder this way, there are ways to make it easier. Sometimes it is better to just go down different paths and never see each other again, but this relationship happened for a reason. Just because it ended doesn’t mean that you forget everything that went on while in the relationship, or even before the relationship even happened.
For the mutual breakup, my advice is pretty simple. Both members take some time for themselves. Both may think everything will be okay and not awkward, but sadly it will be. Even if it isn’t obvious. Take some time to figure out what you want out of life. After some time has past due something casual. Movies, cheap dinner, or even a Walmart adventure are all very casual ideas and stuff to do with friends. Do not do anything that stirs up old feelings, because it’ll make being friends that much harder. Don’t talk about new love interests unless they are celebrities. While claiming to be fine, it still hurts to hear about the others new love affairs even if the break up was mutual.
In the case of a non-mutual break up I say this again, take some time. Give each other some space. For the dumped member, take some time and try to not stalk your dumper on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. If the urge ever hits find a quick distraction or substitution. This will take some serious will power, I know. Some tricks are to call up another friend for help. Also, let the emotions out. Some think that there is no need to cry and everything is fine. A good cry can do a world of help. There is no shame in it, and it even helps get over the dumper. When the tears cease and you can look at your dumpers picture and not want to cry, or scream profanities, it may be a safe time to hang out. Like in a mutual break up, do something casual. Coffee, or hanging in the park are good activities. Avoid asking about their love life, and instead ask how classes are and what they have been up to.
Obviously these won’t work for all breakups. Breakups can and sometimes are messy and there’s no going back from that. Breakups are a painful process, and take a toll on each member of the couple. Just know that loosing a boyfriend or a girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to lose a friend.
