USU student Rob Sneider was found outside the Engineering building late Monday evening. He had been missing for a good portion of the day, and his girlfriend, Janie Hale, was the first to notice his absence.
“Right after his last class I was waiting at his place,” Janie said. “He never showed up. I texted him to ask where he was, and the only response I got was the word FINALS in all caps, repeated like twenty times.
“I didn’t really notice he was missing,” said Patrick Herrera, Sneider’s roommate. “I kind of just let him do whatever he wants. Not to be rude, but it’s really not my job to keep track of my roommate.”
Little did they know, Rob was at the Engineering building for the majority of the day. A few students reportedly saw him sitting on a bench, frantically searching books and muttering to himself. After further examination, officials disclosed that Rob’s brain had in fact been fried.
“At first we didn’t know what was wrong with him,” said Campus Police Officer Pete Jorgensen. “He was on the bench cradling himself, rocking back and forth, and just bawling his eyes out.”
It took a few minutes for Officer Jorgensen to realize the severity of the problem. “I wanted to be a hundred percent sure, so we sent him to the hospital for x-rays. And just like I thought, his brain was completely fried through.”
When asked about what this meant for Rob, Jorgensen responded, “He’s going to be fine. We get a couple cases like this around the end of the semester. Basically, he just needs to calm down for a bit. It’s typically recommended you play video games, watch a movie or even take a nap. It’s really those simple things that help the most.”
Officer Jorgensen gave a list of symptoms that could be caused from a fried brain.
“Writer’s block, being abnormally angry with your roommates or friends, and diminishing social life could be some symptoms of a fried brain. To be honest, most students get it this time of year, but few react the way Rob did.”
This semester the hospital has had five accounts of fried brain so far.
